Tired

Reader Beware;  This is a little bit of a novel so I won't be offended if you skip over my ramblings.  This post is more for me to remember.

Today I find myself extremely tired.  Not only because I stayed up way too late enjoying good friends at book club, but tired of many things.  I'm tired of going to bed by myself and hardly ever seeing my husband.  Keith is finishing up his last round of finals ever (YEAH!!!) and therefore we haven't seen much of him in the past few weeks.  I'm tired of a cranky 1 year old who wants to be held all day because her front teeth are coming in.  I'm tired of an overly emotional 3 year old who seems to think I am mean to him.  I'm tired of putting the kids to bed by myself. I'm tired of one or both of my kids thinking that 4:00 am is an ok time to start the day.  I'm tired of people making stupid and hurtful decisions. I'm tired of snow, ice, cold and bundling up my kids everytime I want to leave the house. I'm tired of bad news.  I'm tired of work, cleaning up the same mess over and over, tantrums, dirty diapers, dirty dishes, bills, laundry piles, and the list can go on and on. 

And although I usually try to stay positive I think the tiredness must have shown on my face today because while trying to escape the library with a fussy baby, and upset boy because we didn't go to story time, a nice lady held the door for me and then gave me a pamphlet from her church.   Without looking at it because I was a little preoccupied at the moment I thanked her and went on my way.  Once I was in the car I read it and then laughed out loud.  The title was Comfort for the Depressed.  Was it that obvious?!  Don't take this the wrong way I'm not depressed, just having a little bit of a down week or so.  Anyway, it made me start to think about all the things I am tired of and really a lot of them had to do with my children.  I thought to myself that maybe I just need a good break from them.  But while I entertained that thought for a very short time and I realized I didn't really want a break from them.  Because if I was away from them for too long I would miss some of the moments that make it all worth it. 

 Such as this seeing this girl's face light up.

Or seeing this boy so handsome before we go to church and giving me one of those goofy facial expressions of his.



Or seeing the excitement in my kids faces as they watch for daddy to come home.

 I love the moments when I catch this girl doing something she knows she shouldn't because she will smile, give a little laugh and crawl away as fast as she can.

I also love seeing her crazy hair every morning.

I don't want to miss moments like this one.  When Jaxson seemed to think his life is in danger because he got both of his feet stuck in a cup, because after I saved him he gave me a big hug and said 'thank you mommy, I really need you.'

And I really don't want to miss the moments when these two play together so sweetly.  At this moment Jaxson was trying to teach Kenna how to talk.

And although sometimes I don't feel like I will survive, I wouldn't change a thing.  I love these kiddos.  I love their sweet snuggles and kisses.  Jaxson's wild imgination and silly games.  Kennadie's growl when she's wrestling and chubby cheeks.  And even though I am completely exhausted most of the time, I'm happy to be living in this state because that means I'm a mother.  And I really do LOVE being a mother!